Um...Surprise!

(October 31, 2008 one week to go)

This month I have found myself reflecting on the birth of my son. In a few weeks my baby will be 1 year old. The memory of his birth is still fresh in my mind. Most people say you forget, I didn't. I remember the kind nurse who held my hand during contractions, then holding me through the epidural. I remember her leaving because her shift was over and the new nurse coming to take her place. I remember feeling the epidural slowly were off and asking time after time to have more, but there was no time I was at a 10.
I remember the fear I felt when it hit me that this was going to be natural. I remember how I gave a few great pushes. I remember busting into tears because I felt I could no longer take the pain. I remember the nurse yelling at me to stop crying and push. I remember the kind Dr. tell her to leave me alone. I remember his eyes soft, warm, and full of encouragement. I remember holding my breath and then no more...I remember the room turning black and I thought this is the end. Then as quick as the blackness occurred there was light and a baby, my son.
I remember looking up at Jon and whispering "No more" I remember the resident Dr. telling me that I had torn and she needed to stitch me up. I remember feeling the stitches and I told her that I could feel them. I remember her looking at me. The whole room looked at me with the realization that even though my chart said epidural that I had just had a natural birth. I remember Jon telling me how I blacked out and the Dr. telling a nurse to prep the OR for an emergency c-section because he was losing us. Then the Dr. noticed that even though I was blacked out I was still pushing and the head finally came out. Using his instincts he placed his hands to support the head and he pulled my baby out. That's why I tore. I remember thinking that I would take a tear over c-section any day.
I remember thinking its over. It wasn't. I remember standing up with the strange nurse and feeling a gush of blood she said it was normal so I put it out of my mind. I remember it dripping on the floor as I walked to the bathroom with the recovery nurse. She looked me in the eye and told me to stay calm, I did. I remember her calling for more nurses. I remember looking down to see a clot the size of a football fall to the floor followed by more blood. I remember being led back to the bed. Jon held my hand as a flood of nurses and the resident Dr. came running into the room. I focused on Jon. I remember the Dr. coming in, I remember his eyes as he told me that he was going to have to scrape the clots out and that it was going to be very painful. I remember the pain. Then I remember calm, it was over. I slept deeper that night than I have ever slept before. I remember the next afternoon they brought Jayden to me. I held him close. I remember telling myself that he was worth it. I meant it.

This time last year I had no idea what I was in for. So its only fitting to find myself in the same predicament..




Um......Surprise!!!

Jensen baby number 2 is on the way!! And I couldn't be happier!!