Moving on. For sure this time.

It is no secret that I have been a little out of "sync" this past year. Especially on this little blog of mine. It's crazy to think that I went an entire summer without posting a thing, but then it makes perfect sense. This summer I just could not get the words out of my head and on paper there was just to much emotion taking over, not because of the loss of my dad, but because of the choices my mom had been making. It has been hard, with the constant  switching between anger and guilt, I think I might have even pulled an internal "Britney".... then I just let it go and  in July I made the decision to end all verbal contact with my mom. Now don't get me wrong there was no fight and no harsh words, I just stopped talking to her. The guilt I felt was great, I mean come on who stops talking to their mom? They are your parent right? Family is Family. That might be true in a lot of cases where pride and selfishness get in the way, but that is not my case. I prayed multiple times that I was making the best decision for myself and my family no matter how much it hurt. Then one night after talking to Jon about it for the millionth time It was confirmed to me that for now, I was making the best decision and from that day on I have no regrets.

In August I turned 28. In 8 day's from today I will have kept the promise I made to my dad almost a year ago. I am healthy, happy, have continued to make good choices, grown a stronger testimony of death and the life after, and remained faithful and commented to the Gospel. I wish in my hearts of hearts that I could say that all of my family could say the same, but it will just have to take time. I think the difference is before my dad got sick I was firmly planed nothing and I mean nothing could shake me. When my dad became sick, I feared that this would finally be the thing to break me so I prayed and prayed. I spoke with my Heavenly father about my fears and how I was to weak to handle something like this. Then the day came. I was with my dad. I saw him take his last breath. Peace. In that moment I felt peace. I knew where he was. I witnessed an important part of the plan of salvation. It was a blessed gift, the last gift I received from my dad. I knew that if I fell away or lost my faith I would jeopardize seeing him again. Day's after his death there where tears, but never anger or self pity. I remain firmly planted. I know that through a loving Heavenly Father all things are possible. I can be shaken but never knocked down.  

Now that's off my chest I welcome myself back to my little blog.