Coming together

Two weeks ago I decided that I needed to disaper. I was tired, angry, and very sad. I was done. The night dad died, I came home and cried. I told myself that it was ok to let it come, and that if given time things would get better. I knew my grief would come in waves and all I could do was fallow the flow. I didn't know that night what the next few days would bring. It's hard to tell how grief will change you, but believe me when I say it does. Everyone has to fallow their own path, make their own choices. Not everyone comes together and that's ok. We are all broken, and in different ways. The past two weeks I have been looking toward the unknown future. I don't have control with what it will bring for others, but I do have control over mine. Now is the present, a time for choices. My family is strong, we will forgive and come together, we always do. For now I will continue to focus on me. I need to be better. Things have been coming together for me. I have read 6 of my favorite books, eaten ice cream for dinner (several times), gone on drives, and have been starting to finalize other future plans. Such as our trip to Disneyland! This is not just any trip. This has been in the works for the past 5 months. One night a few days after dad's death I was reading in my room, when I had this sudden thought to go to Disneyland. Jon came in and I just blurted out "We are going to use our taxes and go to Disneyland this year." he kind of just looked at me and said that we would have to talk about it. I said "No! The kids and I are going to Disneyland ,you can stay home if you want to." I don't know what came over me, but I had this feeling to hold my ground and come hell or high water get this family to Disneyland. At that moment we both knew it was dad. He loved Disneyland and he always told us to not waste taxes on bills or something silly like that, but to go and do things we have alway's wanted. So we are going. Another change is going to come after the trip, but you will have to wait for that.
For now things are coming together.